Finished

The harvest didn't go well at all.  Out of 25 follicles, only 7 eggs were harvested.  Once again I am plagued by these dang cysts.  Of the 7 eggs harvested, only 1 was mature.  The 1 egg was fertilized with ICSI (inter cytoplasmic sperm injection), but it fertilized abnormally with 4 pronuclei.
I won't get into embryology, but the only way to get 4 pronuclei is to introduce more than 1 sperm into the egg.  To top it all off, I missed most of Chance's first bday party because of the harvest.  His party was 11-2, and our harvest was at 1030.  Yeah.  Horrible timing.
Needless to say I was very angry and upset that this happened.  I sent a scathing email to the clinic wanting to know how this could happen, and wanting to advocate for other patients to make sure this doesn't happen to them.  Of course the embryologist deflected the blame off him and his crew by saying the egg was bad.  Uh huh.  Whatever.  I know how pronuclei are formed; I am not a "regular" patient who doesn't know how things work.
Anyway, with the poor result, we are finished on our IVF adventure.  Chance will be an only child unless we adopt (not likely).
Deep down I KNEW we shouldn't have done this cycle.  Historically our results have been terrible, and I was on the fence to begin with; if we hadn't had the credit and meds donated, I wouldn't have done it.  Now I am angry myself because I knew better, and we just wasted all that money.  We could build a new shed for the DH with that money; or even buy a new plane.  We have been waiting to buy the plane to see if we needed a larger plane for 2 kids.
I have run the gauntlet of emotions.  I wanted to hold out hope we would have another child, but deep down I knew it wasn't going to happen.  It is hard not to get discouraged when the results have always been poor.  Now I am sad and angry at the same time.  I will continue to grieve, but I will also enjoy what will be my life with my 2 boys (yes the DH is an overgrown boy LOL).
I thank every one of you for going on this journey with me.  I will continue to update on Chance when I think about it.
Went for his 1 yr appt yesterday.  He is 31.5" tall and weighs 22 pounds 10 ounces.  He got 3 shots and they drew blood to check for lead and other things.  He took it like a champ.  He watched with intent fascination at the phlebotomist when she pricked his finger to draw his blood.  The shots, not so much.  He cried for about a minute, then forgot all about what happened.  We went to eat Mexican as a treat.  He loves guacamole and refried beans.
Thank you once again for every one who prayed with us along this long and arduous journey.  We have our one perfect little miracle boy, and apparently that is what God wants us to have.
Cheers!

Harvest

It's that time again.  Time to harvest.  I have 8-12 follies on each side racing from 12-22mm as of today.  So I will trigger Thursday night for a Sat harvest.  This sucks since Sir Chance's bday party is Sat, but my P4 is creeping up and they can't hold me off until Sunday.  I did request either before or after his party, which is 11-2.  There are many factors when it comes to scheduling the order of the harvests, so no telling what time mine will be.  There were 8 already scheduled for Sat, and I am unexpected.
I am already starting to get uncomfortable.  Best to lay down or stand up.  Sitting is no fun.  I am so swollen in my abdomen, it looks like I am preggo.  LOL
So Sat it is.   Prayers for 2 normal embryos.

Stim Update

Well, we got off to a slow start in the stimming department.  At my first US appt, I had 3 on the right and possible 3 on the left (couldn't really see the left because of the cyst and bowel being in the way).
At the second US appt, the right was still 3-4 but growing; still couldn't see the left very well.  For the 3rd US, the right ovary had exploded.  There were 7-12 small follies on the right; still couldn't see the left.  Went Sunday (27th) for US number 4, and things were looking up.  Finally could see the left ovary and there were multiple follies on it as well.  Both ovaries and their follies are growing nicely.  Went in this morning for US number 5.  Things look great.  I have probably 8-15 follies in the 15-16mm range.  I will go back in the morning to see how things look, but most likely will trigger Thursday for a Sat harvest.  That is going to be a little tricky, since Sir Chance's 1st bday party is Sat. We will make it work... don't have a choice I suppose.  Hopefully I can be the first harvest of the day so I don't have to worry about missing his party.
So now we wait to see how these follies are growing.  I am glad they are growing slower than the last harvest.
The lab tech P said to me on Friday that we are going to get 5 good embryos with this cycle; she can just feel it.  I sure hope not!  I only want one more pregnancy!  What would I do with 5 kids??!!  Of course maybe not all of them would stick when transferred, but you always hope they would.  So transfer 3 and hope for twins; then what to do with the last 2?  Donate them?  Not sure I would want to destroy them, and certainly not keep them on ice the rest of eternity.  How would I feel knowing I had 2 children out there being raised by someone else, and my children had full siblings?  Interesting dilemma raised when donating embryos.
All things to think about.
Nothing to worry about until we know for sure if we get good embryos.

One Last Try

After many sleepless nights and much prayer (and the fact we had a $4,000 credit), I decided to go ahead with this one last try in the May/June harvest cycle.  It was weighing on my heavily, and probably had we not had the credit, I wouldn't be doing this again.
So alas, we are starting again, one last time.  I started the BCP 3 weeks ago.  I go for my baseline US and blood work at 0845 tomorrow morning.  If all looks good, I should start the Gonal-F shots (stimming) Friday or Saturday.
I stopped taking the migraine medication Trokendi XR, and any other migraine medications I use.  IT hasn't been a fun experience to say the least.  I am doing my best to not treat anything with medications before the harvest.  Not sure if it will help, but it's worth a shot (no pun intended).
So now we wait to see what tomorrow brings.

Having Second Thoughts

We just got back from a CME conference for the DH and it was a cruise on the Harmony of the Seas. Had the cost of the conference not made it half the cost, we would not have eve gone on that ship.  Too expensive and everything is extra...even some of the slides and stuff; dumb.  All the restaurants are extra except the main dining, buffet, pizza, and hot dog joint.  As big and expensive as that ship is, I would have expected better service, food, and accommodations.  IMO, not worth it....stick to Carnival.  The rooms are larger, the staff is more personable and fun, and everything is included except drinks and the steakhouse.
Anyway, while on this cruise, I got to thinking if maybe I was being selfish trying for a second child. The DH will go along with whatever I want to make me happy, but the $20K each attempt could be used to buy him a new airplane or even build him a much needed shed.  We have had such bad results with our previous 4 harvest, getting only 1 genetically normal embryo out of all these harvests, I have been wondering if it is even worth it to waste the money and try again in the May/June cycle.  i have been researching natural remedies and oils to help increase my egg production, but I just don't know what to do.  I am almost 42 and I think my chances of having another one are just going down the drain.  I am sad and discouraged.
On to happy news.  Sir Chance did great on the cruise.  He ate like a champ.  He has decided to start cutting his top four teeth at the same time, so he's a drool monster and has the scours.  I also had the ultimate mommy fail twice on the cruise.  He pooped his diaper overnight one night and didn't let me know, so in the morning when I went to change him, the diaper was stuck to him.  It peeled the skin off his scrotum and creases of his legs and also left awful diaper rash.  So for two days after he screamed and cried every time his diaper was changed.  Green Budreauxs Butt Paste cleared it right up in 24 hours.  Awesome stuff.  Mommy fail #2 came at the airport on the way home.  I was back bring him in the carrier.  I was taking him out and just as I released one arm and went to turn him to get him out, he reared back and fell out of the carrier and belly flopped/face planted on the tile floor....I was standing up of course.  He screamed bloody murder, I cried, everyone else saw it happened and screamed.  It scared him more than it hurt him.  Not  mark on him.  I cried for at least 30 min.  Sir Chance cried for 5 min.  He is playing and all is well.
So we think we will call and consult with Schoolcraft in CO one more time before this harvest to see what he has to say.

Embryo Results

We got the results of our embryo, and they were not what we had hoped.  Our one little embryo did not live to be biopsied.  It survived to day five post fertilization, but down graded, and passed away early on day six, which was yesterday.  It was only graded at a 3CC, so it wasn't a very good embryo to start with anyway.
Where do we go from here?  I want to wait a few months and let my body rid itself of these extra artificial hormones, then we will harvest again.  We have decided to join the May/June cycle.  This is the last week of May, first two weeks of June.  We could have gotten into the April/May cycle, but I didn't want to push my body that quickly.
Obviously I am very sad.  I was hoping to only have to harvest once; but God knows what is best.  Sometimes it is hard to leave it in his hands.  I look at Sir Chance and wish so much for him to have a sibling.  Even though I didn't really get along with my siblings, it is nice to have them there.  My MIL says all the time how she wished she had a sibling.  Her and my FIL (who I never knew as he passed before my husband and I married) were both only children.  My husband was essentially an only child as his two sisters were 12 and 10 years older than him.  My sister is 2 years older and my brother is 3 years younger.  Yes, I am the dreaded middle child! Oh, and the epitome of the black sheep too! LOL
So, we will take our baby food rebelling son to Chicago this weekend for a CME conference for daddy, as well as our 6 year wedding anniversary, and get over the loss of our one little embryo.  Regroup and plan to harvest again in June.

Harvest and Results

Well, the harvest went well.  We got exactly what the OAR testing predicted.  7 eggs.  Unfortunately the results of the harvest didn't go as well as we were hoping.  Out of those 7 eggs, only 3 were mature enough to inject via ICSI with sperm.  Out of those 3 eggs injected with sperm, only 1 fertilized.  Very disappointing.  So now we wait.
We wait to see if this one little embryo survives to day five.  If it does indeed survive to day five (to day is day 3 post fertilization), they will biopsy it, freeze it, and send the sample off for genetic testing.  If it is normal, it will stay frozen until we are ready to transfer.  If it is nor normal, it will be thawed and destroyed.  We are praying this one is normal of course.  As we know with Sir Chance, it only takes one.
We obviously will be harvesting again, as we said up front, we will harvest up to 3 times to try and get 2 normal embryos.  We will look at the calendar in the next few days to see which cycle we will try to get into.  Off the top of my head, I am thinking it is the May/ June cycle.
So now we wait to see what happens with our one little embryo.

Sir Chance is now 9 months old.  He has two bottom teeth and is currently cutting some top teeth.  He had the flu, but other than that he has been perfectly well.  He is now sleeping through the night, and if he can find his soother, he will self soothe during his few little "twitches" at night.  If he can't find it, either daddy or I have to stick it in his mouth and he goes right back to sleep, never opening his eyes.  He is still co-sleeping in our room, but since he has been doing so well lately, we are going to start transitioning him into his room.
We set up a bed room as a designated play room for him yesterday.  Just have to finish cutting the foam floor to fit.  The foam is more for the protection of the 84 year old hard wood floors, not Sir Chance.  He seems to like the colors. Also waiting for the straps for the dresser and bookshelf....as little boys like to climb.
He doesn't like baby food any more.  He will fight and throw a fit if you try to feed him baby food.  He wants what mommy, daddy, and granny are eating.  He wants big people food.  Even though he only has 2 teeth, he does a pretty good job eating whatever we are eating.  His poops are pretty nasty now that he's eating adult food too!  He does still love his milkies (formula) though.  He also gets 1/2 strength apple juice and pedialtye (juice) as well.  He hasn't had boobie juices since about 6 months since our donor stopped pumping.
He's wearing 18 month clothes.  Yes.  Too big.  He is 30 inches long and weighs 20# 6 oz.  Has steele blue eyes.  Pretty sure he's going to keep those.  His hair keeps getting darker and darker.  It's dishwater blonde at the moment, but I think it'll end up light to darker brown.  It's starting to curl too. Looks like he's gotten his mother's curly hair.  He's got one little curl right at the very back. HA!
He is crawling like a champ, chasing the cats around the house.  He also pulls up on everything.  He can pass between the sofa and the table in the parlor.  He loves his train walking toy the most... and his Ferrari walker.  Overall he is a happy and giggly good boy.

All Was Well

Nothing was amiss after all.  I went in for my US and labs and everything was fine.  I did not have to take my ganirelix shot in the office.  Was told I would be coming back Sunday for another US and labs.  Everything was looking great.
Lt ovary the follies measured 16mm and 15mm.  Rt ovary the follies measured 15mm, 10mm, 14mm, 14mm, and 14mm.  My P4 was 1.1 and my E was 1496.1.

Went in today, which is Sunday March 4th, for labs and US again.  everything looks great.  Had several follies measuring 20 so we are going to go ahead and trigger tonight and harvest Tuesday.
Portal results indicate the Lt ovary the follies are measuring: 20mm, 14mm, 20mm, and 21mm.  The Rt ovary follies are measuring: 19mm, 20mm, 18mm, 14mm, 18mm, and 21mm.   My P4 is 1.95 and my E is 3280.8.
I will take my Ovidrel trigger shot at 12:30am tonight.  I start my doxycycline in the morning and I take it twice daily.
My harvest will be Tuesday March 6th at 1030 in the morning.  I have to be at the clinic at 0945.  Hopefully all will go well and we won't have to do this again.

Something is Amiss

Went Wednesday for my next US and labs.  I had 3-6 little follies on each side.  The cyst seems to have ruptured, as it was gone.

Update:  Once the portal was updated and I got my new instructions, I was told to bring the ganirelix to the appt Friday.  This has me super concerned.  I've never had to bring any medications to an appt... ever.  This makes me thing something is going on.  Portal indicates I have an 8mm, a 12mm, and a 9mm follie on the left, and a 9mm, a 9mm, a 6mm, and a 6mm on the right.  my E was 446.7.  This might be why they want me to bring the ganirelix to the appt Friday.  If the E is this high, the P4 is probably getting pretty high too.  As we learned from the last cycle, we don't want the P4 to get above 3 as it starts to cook the eggs; this is bad.  So, I will go to my appt and see what happens.

All Is Well

Well, the estrogen level was 61.7, which is under 70, so we get to continue with the cycle.  Whew.  However, we almost got cancelled for a different reason.  I am going to Vegas this weekend to see Sir Elton John and his Red Piano at Caesars Palace.  Well, I start my stim shots Thursday.  That means my first follicular ultrasound and blood work should have been Monday.  It was scheduled for Monday at 0915.  My flight doesn't get in until 1645 (4:45p cst).  I emailed the clinic to let them know this is what was going on.  Apparently if you don't let the clinic know of any scheduled travel plans before the cycle you will be canceled out of the cycle.  Oops.  However, I had told the RE I was going to see Sir Elton John before the cycle started, because we talked about how cool it was I had 3rd row seats.  It was just in passing, but I didn't think anything about it.  The clinic made an exception and we were allowed to continue with the cycle.  You know, it kind of annoys me they don't bother to let you know these things.  If it is so important they need to know about travel plans BEFORE the cycle starts that they will cancel you out of the cycle, maybe they should tell you these things before you pay for the cycle.  That's pretty important need to know information.  Of all the cycles I have done with this clinic, they have never once told me anything like this..... Oh well.  I guess had they canceled me out of the cycle, I may have considered going somewhere else.
So: I start stimming Thursday with a morning dose of 250 and an evening dose of 225.  I also start the dexamethasone as well.  I go in Tuesday at 0845 for the ultrasound and labs.

Baseline Ultrasound

Just left the clinic for my baseline ultrasound.  Seems that pesky cyst from the last cycle has decided to stick around, except it has also decided it has wanted to grow.  So here is the deal.  Once again, we will wait for the estrogen levels to come back in the blood work.  If it is below 70, the cyst is suppressed and we will continue with the cycle as normal.  If it is above 70, I will go back tomorrow and have more blood drawn to see if the estrogen is rising or falling.  If the estrogen is rising, we will be cancelled.  If it is falling, we can continue with the cycle as planned.  The cyst was measuring about 24-30mm.  It has not completely taken over the ovary yet, but if we are cancelled out of this cycle, I will have to have surgery to have the cyst completely removed; since it is hindering our ability to harvest eggs.  If we are able to continue with the cycle and are able to actually harvest eggs, the cyst will be drained at the time of harvest.
So I am experiencing something new with this cycle that I have never experienced.  I am having a full on period while on the BCPs.  It really concerned me.  I started having all my normal pre period symptoms last week; scours, pain in the right side (the side with the cyst), bloating, spotting, and just feeling like I was going to start my period any day.  Of course iPeriod said I was due to start on Sunday night.  I emailed the clinic on Friday to let them know what was happening, and should I be concerned.  Well, sure enough on Sat (Feb 10th) I started my full on period.  I texted my RE (we are friends as well), and she alleviated my fears.  My concern was that how is the BCP going to keep me from ovulating if it can't even keep me from starting my period?  In all my cycles with the clinic in all these years, I have NEVER had a period on BCPs.  She stated at this dose, they are only concerned with suppressing the ovaries and they don't really care what the lining of the uterus is doing because we are doing an FET anyway and to not worry about it.  I said ok and we went about our weekend.  I get a response back from the MA on Monday and she says that it is normal to have breakthrough bleeding on BCPs.  I had to inform her that this is NOT breakthrough bleeding, this is full on period.  So when I went into the clinic and saw the RE today, she laughed and said welcome to old age and the club of how BCPs don't control your periods anymore honey!  I said that's not funny!! I thought something was wrong!  She laughed at me some more.....
One thing that is also different about this cycle and these BCPs, I has a pre period migraine.  I haven't had one of those since I started back on my Trokendi XR at the full dose of 200mg.  So something about the extra dose of hormones over throws the migraine drugs.  Miserable.  That's what it is.
So here's what's now going to happen.  We wait.  We wait for the estrogen levels to come back.  If we get canceled out of this cycle because of this stupid cyst, I have to have surgery to have it removed.  I have to schedule that surgery as quickly as possible 1: because my AMH can't take much more of a hit, and 2: because this cyst can't get much larger.  If it does it will over take the ovary and removing it will destroy the ovary.  No, we can not just drain the cyst, it has to be removed.  Draining the cyst will only allow it to come back.  Since it is still relatively small, it can be removed safely, without destroying the ovary.  So here's hoping it is suppressed and we can continue.  Fingers crossed.

New Cycle

We got cancelled out of the Nov cycle because my 4 spiked to over 12.  When your P4 spikes to 3 or higher it is protocol to cancel out of the harvest cycle.  So here is what happened.
Everything was plugging along just fine.  We were on microdose Lupron, which had to be compounded at the specialty pharmacy.... no big deal.  It is exactly what it sounds like; just a micro, or smaller dose of Lupron.  We had issues right from the get go.  They put me on a different BCP than what I was accustomed to; this one was called Enskyce and I had breakthrough bleeding from the moment I started taking it.  Well, when I went in for my baseline ultrasound and bloodworm, I had a giant cyst on my right ovary.  This means the BCP didn't keep me from ovulating, or at least from creating the corpus luteum cyst anyway.  We had to wait and see what the blood work showed.  If the estrogen was above 70, then I was going to be cancelled out of the cycle right then and there.  If it was below 70, then we had to see if it was rising or falling.  If it was rising, then the cyst was still growing and I would be cancelled; if it was falling, then the cyst was collapsing and all was good and we could continue with the cycle as planned.  Progesterone (P4) is irrelevant at this point, but they pull it anyway for a baseline number.  The numbers came back and the estrogen was 50, so we were ok to continue.  The cyst was nothing.  I started taking the stimming shots and I went back for another US in 3 days.  Everything looked good and the ovaries were growing.  I continued to stim and went in for US every 2-3 days.  On the day of the 4th US and blood work, I got a call from the IVF coordinator telling us we were being canceled out of the cycle and to stop all medications.  I was completely confused.  When I finally got a hold of her, she informed it it was because my P4 had spiked to 8 and anything over 3 it was protocol for the clinic to cancel out of the cycles.  She said it somehow affected the eggs but she didn't know how it affected the eggs.  We made an appointment with the RE for the next day to discuss what was going on.  I did not stop any of my shots because I couldn't find anything on the internet explaining how P4 affected the eggs, only that it helps prepare the lining for implantation.  So the next morning we head to the clinic for our conference with the RE.
Well, come to find out high P4 cooks the eggs.  The RE gave us the option of being a case study and continuing with the cycle or going a head and cancelling out.  No one had ever gone ahead and harvested on a microdose Lupron cycle with a P4 over 3.  They have on a ganarellex cycle, but with ganarellex, it gets the P4 back down below 4; that's how that medication works....it shuts P4 down.  For some reason the microdose Lupron didn't do what it was suppose to do and keep the P4 controlled.  So I came home and asked God for some kind of sign on whether to proceed with the cycle or stop.  Came back to the clinic the next day for US and blood work.  Well, I got my sign.  The follicles that had been growing nicely had stopped growing completely.  That told me the P4 had indeed caused issues with the eggs and we needed to stop and regroup.
So, since we had such issues with all these medications, we decided to go a different route if my AMH allowed us to try again.  Blood work came back and my P4 had jumped even higher to 12.  There was no way the eggs would have survived.
Fast forward to January period.  We pull another OAR test.  Those results came back interesting.  The AMH was lower as expected.  It came back at 0.52.  Still above the 0.4 so we can try again.  Whew.  However, the anticipated egg retrieval score increased.  What?  Yes.  They now anticipate to get more eggs with this harvest than they did with the last harvest.  Huh?  Yeah. No idea how that works, but something in the numbers.  Oh well.
We are now in the Feb/ Mar harvest cycle with PGS Testing and FET.
So we have decided to go a completely different route with the medications.  I am back on the original BCP that I was on with Chance.  The Desogen; and I am having zero breakthrough bleeding whatsoever.  I am on my third week of active pills now.  I go in for my baseline US and blood work Feb 16th at 0830 am.  We are doing Ganarellex with Gonal-F to stim.  Gonal-F is just a different brand of stim drug than Follastim.  I still have a vial and a half of Follastim left from the last cycle, so I will use it first.  One is made from sheep and one is made from human.  Can't remember which is which.  Ended up using a different pharmacy this time because this one has a rebate program with the Gonal-F and is a little bit cheaper.  We obviously make too much money to qualify for any of the financial hardship programs, so we don't get much of a cash discount.  I pharmacy shop for sure.  Insurance only pays for the antibiotic and steroid; it doesn't pay for anything fertility related.
So: here we are, in the middle of another cycle, trying to get Sir Chance a little.  He is now officially 8 months old.  He is sitting up from tummy time, has two teeth, just got over the flu, pulls up in his crib, scoots around backwards, and eats like a champ.  He is no longer on boobie juices, and just barely takes any formula he eats so much food.  He loves tooling around in his Ferrari and jumping in his jumper.  He takes 3 naps a day and sleeps through the night, until he has to fart.  He weighs 19.6 pounds and is wearing 12-18 months clothes.  Growing way too fast.  He giggles when you bark at him, and he loves to bzzzz/blow bubbles; especially when eating.
That is all for now.  Enjoy this too cute picture of Sir Chance.